Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
