i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
