He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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