It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
