Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
