He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
