i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
