i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
