I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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