I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
