Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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