Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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