a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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