Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
