I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
