if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
