Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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