yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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