meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
