Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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