I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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