Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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