I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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