So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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