Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
