can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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