Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
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If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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