Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
