Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
