If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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