I wish I could punch you in the face.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We left the knife in your bed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
