I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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