please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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