Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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