I think my vagina is haunted
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
