he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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