i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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