that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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