So drunk its hurt
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
