U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
