these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
