I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
