I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I touched a dick in church today
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
