i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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