good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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