In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Your dad touched me again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
