Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
is it fun? or sober?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
