I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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