I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
