I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
