he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
