I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
