I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you had me at cake vodka
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
