Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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