I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
