This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
