Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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