I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
