my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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