so that wasnt chicken after all
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
