Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
