I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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