I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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