My first STD was from a foam party
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will be naked everywhere
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
