yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
