Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
