so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
