ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
