I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
