She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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